It used to be that it took a key to unlock a woman’s heart. Now it just takes a key bump to get to the pussy.

I wish I could tell every single 16yo girl this: After you pick up your first hoop, joint, and fuck boy. Put everything but the hoop down. Finish your last bit of school n don’t let anyone help you be woke with a little baggy of powder. People who don’t sleep get pretty bad pretty quick.

I would suggest to them….. Don’t let the first impression you make on a boy be your pussy. Most Fuck boys can’t last longer than 3 dates before they find someone easier. So hold out to the 4th. N let that date be a trip to the clinic to get tested.

I would buy them a glass of their favorite booze. I would pour it into a flower pot…. As it leaks all over the table… I would explain to them. This is what it’s like to date a broken person. You can pour all your good into a person, but if they aren’t designed to contain you… You’ll just become as useless as a flower pot to an alcoholic. N trust me, a wine glass full of fertilizer won’t taste very good either. Girls aren’t learning this from their daddies . Many Momma’s never learned it to teach it.

We pretend that 16 yo aren’t horny, curious and that they don’t know everything already. Just be honest with them.


Tuesday, May 30th, 2017

“Don’t you realize yet that I only care about the opinions of attractive people?”


Wednesday, May 24th, 2017

If someone is upset because they peed in their fruit loops, n won’t stop complaining that they peed in their fruit loops, and you show them how to pee in the toilet, but they pee in their fruit loops and say it’s because you made them do it… And then complain about it… I’m going to keep them away from my fruit loops before I get tempted to pee in my fruit loops out of peer pressure.


Tuesday, May 23rd, 2017

A suggestion how to not suck at life.

Take inventory of what you got.
Make a list of what you want.
Post it on Facebook.
Anyone who’s not willing to help you get what you want sucks. Put them aside and only deal with people who wanna help you.

Don’t ask them to help you.
Ask them how you can help them.

Help them reach their goals.

The ones that don’t automatically help you with yours, put them aside. Pretty soon you’ll see that there is one person you can count on no matter what… N you’ll be surprised, because you never knew they were there till you put all the other people aside who aren’t always there for you.

Monday, May 22nd, 2017

Be an asset, not an ass hat.


Sunday, May 21st, 2017

Did you just assume my lack of ethnicity?

I’m not white. I’m Canadian.


Tuesday, May 16th, 2017

I only lie to make myself look bad.


Sunday, May 14th, 2017

Why won’t anybody let me stop being a victim?


Sunday, May 14th, 2017

In honor of my Amazing mom:

I’ve been asking restaurants that have free breakfast if you bring in your mom for mothers day: “Can I still get free breakfast if I bring her in an urn with me?”


Saturday, May 13th, 2017

She’s like the ugly duckling. However in her case she was already pretty and turned into a goddess.


Saturday, May 13th, 2017